Vets, and some 'sticky Toffees!!'

by Dave Shepherd

Sometime - back in the noughties - the very early days of my Veterans National Competition, we were quickly accruing some really famous old boys teams, who had heard about our tournament. One such team was Everton's famous old boys. I'd got enough teams already signed up, and intended to cap it at just 16 teams. Unbeknown to me, somehow the former skipper of the Toffees - Mike Lyons, got wind of it and phoned me to ask if they to enter. 'Sorry Mick, I am full up this year, but I'll put you on the waiting list for next year,' I explained.

Next day I get a phone call from Martin Prothero - the then Head of Umbro's Marketing. 'Bloody Hell Dave, I've just had Mike Lyons on from Everton, - he's just told me you've turned their Vets Team down. He's said, unless we allow them to enter into your Vets Tournament, he's going to cancel Everton's kit order for next year, and they'll be going with Bukta!'

No pressure! I thought long and hard for 2 seconds and said - ' Cough - Oh I didn't think he was serious, but if they are really that keen, I'm sure I'll find a place for them. Miraculously I somehow managed to squeeze them in - pheww. They expectedly romped through their Group games, and were ready for the knockout draw. Now it just so happens our welsh winners were a village team from way up in the mountains - Ysceifiog.(escayvog), and it also just happens the whole village were, and still are, Everton mad supporters. Indeed they have a bus that goes from the village to everyone of Everton's home games.

Ysceifiog phoned me all excited - what are the chances of us playing the great Everton team, they pleaded. 'Very difficult', I said. Its all down to the luck of the draw - its now knock out stages you know. 'Pleeeaase do you best' the chap pleaded. 'Well I am just about to do the draw'. Foolishly I said. 'Hang on a minute - here we go. Well fancy that - you are the first out of the hat - and you are playing --- Chester Nomads!'

'No we are bloody well not - we want a redraw.' ' Well this is not normal procedure - but perhaps I used the wrong hand. You are now playing -------- EVERTON!!!' - cue absolute bedlam. I then phoned Mike Lyons up, and he was delighted too, but asked, where the f*** are they from? 'Somewhere up in the Welsh mountains' I told him. 'OK it's a game. The club have agreed we can have the first team bus. It will be a nice trip out for the day, I'll get all our old internationals out for this one.'

“I’ll get our internationals out for this one!”

The day of the game arrives, and Everton land their bus in the packed village square,and ask where the changing rooms are. 'In the back room of the pub,' the welcoming committee advise. 'Our boys will change in the cow shed - that's normally where the away team change there, but YOU are our special VIP guests'. 'Where's the pitch' Mike enquires. - 'We haven't got one, but we play in the sheep field, and we've got goal posts!!”

The place was packed, everyone came down from the hills. They estimated there were about 1500 people all around the field sitting on tractors, lorries, up trees and any vantage point possible, + of course lots of sheep too. Everton cruised through the game, exhibition style, winning 5 - 0. After the game, they returned to the pub - and Mike asked where are the showers. The landlord informed him - they are outside in the village square! The square was absolutely rammed with fans awaiting to glimpse their past heroes and get those much cherished photos and autographs.

The place was packed! They estimated there were about 1500 people all around the field.

Mike went out to check, and saw there were 6 beer barrels, filled to the brim with steaming hot water, and those must have back in our day, boxes of the old Radox muscle soak. 'Right Lads,' said Mick. 'There's no place to hang your towels so just leave them here and follow me.' and into the square they went - the whole team, 'absolutely starkers' and climbed into the barrels, where they were served by the local ladies with pints of beer, watched on by the cheering fans who were all eagerly asking for autographs.

Ronnie Goodlass, an ex ' Everton all time great' told me it was the best away trip they'd ever been on. In fact, they enjoyed themselves so much they even arranged to go back and play them the next two years - on condition they repeated the beer barrel wash. Great times were had by all.

Till the next time, when I see you down at the Far Post!

Stay safe.